If you’d love to set up a successful grandparent care arrangement, then bestselling author, Fiona McIntosh, has some brilliant advice - learnt from experience!      

BY HEJIRA CONVERY, KINDICARE

MARCH 18, 2025

Fiona McIntosh has sold millions of books in adult genres, like crime and historical fiction, but the arrival of her lovely little grandson, Henry, has shifted her priorities slightly!  

Instead of producing two works of adult fiction per year (at around 110,000 words a pop), Fiona has scaled back to one, written her first picture book (Harry and Gran Bake a Cake), and embraced the world of grandparent care. 

Fiona looks after Henry two days per week, and if you’re thinking about enlisting the services of your own parent, or parent-in-law, to provide childcare, then our Q&A with Fiona will provide plenty of food for thought.  

Fiona and her family have a great grandparent care arrangement, and although every family dynamic is different, her advice is heartfelt, helpful and definitely worth sharing with your prospective grandparent carer! 

Q&A WITH FIONA McINTOSH
 

KINDICARE: Henry is the first person you’ve provided grandparent care for, however, we hear that your family has a long history with this kind of childcare? 

FIONA: Yes, this is true! My granny was intrinsic to the raising of myself, my brother and our closest cousins – we went to her small flat after school every day in England. She would always have cake and a warm cup of tea waiting for us when we were aged five to eight.  We adored her.   

History then repeated itself when I had my twin sons and my mother was vital to their lives, looking after them four days a week, so my husband and I could run our business. She was, and is, amazing. She turns 98 this year, and our sons are still very close to her. 

So, it seemed only right that after Henry was born in late 2023, I should put my hand up and give a chunk of time to helping my son and his wife raise him, so that they too could still work around having their beautiful boy at home. 

KINDICARE: Grandparent care can be a win-win-win for parents, children and grandparents; however, a little preparation definitely helps!  
 
What advice do you have for parents and grandparents who are exploring the possibility of grandparent care? 

FIONA: I think everyone needs to be on board, including Grandad, who tends to get left out of the discussion.  Fathers are now so hands on, but grandads tend to stand back and wait.  

It’s also important to give special thought to the practicalities and challenges that come with regular grandparent care.  

For instance, I realised that with me committing to two days every week caring for Henry, it was going to change my life quite dramatically and that meant it would change my husband’s life as a result – we were losing a lot of our quite recently found freedom.   

I write two books per year, and it meant letting one go for a while. I travel three times per year for research, up to three weeks each time. Well, that’s all been chopped down to smash and grab trips. There’s no more languishing in Paris! It’s in and out as fast as possible and I’m doing my next European research trip in four days and the rest is flying time. No fun! 

Also, it does mean my husband is alone a lot. We live on a farm that is about 80 minutes away from Henry in the city. So, I have to do that return trip each time, which is hard on the body.  

It used to mean getting up before the birds to be in the car and on the freeway in time to be with Henry for 8.30am.  And then after all day care, I had to think about the long trek home and making sure I wasn’t too sleepy.   

We’ve also had to contend with the many bugs that Henry brings home from his two days per week at daycare. While he gets over the lurgies pretty easily, his parents are slower to do so, and us grandparents go down the hardest.    

All in all, grandparent care brings lots of extra stuff that wasn’t there before, and it needs to be managed and considered in the overall scheme of the life of grandparents. 

As a care-giver, it’s important not to over-commit, even though you love the little person so much. 

And I think the conversation needs to be honest and open about what is feasible, and it should seriously take into account everyone the grandparent care will affect.   

Also, know that flexibility may be needed.  

For instance, we have already adjusted from doing two separate Henry days, book-ending the week, into two-day chunks.  

I now stay overnight in the city to reduce the driving and wear and tear, but it still means my husband is alone for two days and one night every week, and because we have animals and a big garden to care for, he can’t be away with me.   

Finally, I think for a harmonious time, it doesn’t benefit anyone if the grandparents come in to help, with the idea that they might do it their way.   

Each generation thinks the next generation ‘has no idea,’ but they do! 

The mums today are well read, well informed, they go into babyhood having learnt plenty beforehand, and while they still have a huge and sharp learning curve once the baby arrives, it’s still their journey and not ours.  

So, from day one, I did everything the way my daughter-in-law wanted me to do it.  

She wasn’t prescriptive or laying down the law, but I asked her lots of questions about how she wanted this or that, and I simply followed suit.   

She relaxed around me immediately and knew that Henry was not only in desperately loving arms, but that he was being looked after in the same way that his parents were looking after him, and all the same rules applied.   

I have always just followed her lead, even when I might have done things differently with my boys… 

I figure, I get to hand Henry back at the end of the day, so it’s important that we all present a united front to Henry, and the rules don’t change because Granny is caring for him.   

With all this groundwork in place, grandparent care is working so well for us, and once Henry is old enough to come home with me or spend holidays with us, then the rules may change, and he will get very spoiled! 

KINDICARE: This is all such good advice, and now that you’ve been caring for Henry for three months, what have been the greatest benefits for you and your family? 

FIONA: Lots of joy I didn’t know was going to be available to me.   

I wasn’t ready to be a grandmother, and didn’t lust for it or nag our newlyweds about when it would happen.  

However, once Henry arrived, I couldn’t believe how you find new depths of love you didn’t know existed.  

I didn’t realise grandparenthood was going to change the trajectory of our lives as dramatically as it has, but it has certainly deepened my relationship with my daughter-in-law.  

We spend more time together now and we both have this massive love for the same two people – her husband and her child / my son and my grandson – so we’re totally bound through that, and firmly committed to each other as a result.   

I also love enormously that there’s a new generation of McIntosh growing. 

You see the future through your children, but you see legacy through your grandchildren, and it’s a great comfort as you begin to accept that you’re now one of the elders of the family.   

You give wisdom and receive a lot of love and affection from this little person, which is so wonderful.  

When Henry beams me a smile, or shows excitement to see me arrive, oh my heart is full! 

KINDICARE: He must absolutely love the days you spend together. What kinds of fun and special things do you get up? 

FIONA: Henry and I play endlessly.  We read for as long as a new toddler can focus on something that doesn’t have lights and buttons and switches and voices.   

Henry has not been allowed any screen entertainment, which is pleasing, so we do lots of walks, playing in the park, we play with water, and we pretend to cook, because he has a marvellous wooden oven and cooktop with lots of fun mini utensils.   

I gave him a lovely Aussie-made canvas swing for his first birthday, so we play daily on that. He also has lots of instruments that we play in a terrible cacophony! 

KINDICARE: In between all this activity, you have found time to write your first picture book, Harry and Gran Bake a Cake. Was this gorgeous story inspired by Henry? 

FIONA: It was! I had to mark the arrival of my special grandchild somehow, and because I am a passionate baker, particularly of cakes, it seemed natural that the book I wrote for Henry would be about cake. 

I initially called it Henry and Gran Bake a Cake, but decided to give Henry the anonymity he might appreciate when he’s a teenager and not wanting to be teased, so I called our lovable little boy in the story Harry instead. 

I wanted the book to be filled with humour and affection on every page, because that sums up my relationship with Henry.  

To make the story funny, I deliberately switched the roles so that Harry is the responsible one and Gran, the grown up, is clumsy and always experiencing mishaps. 

I’ve also wrapped this tale up in love, which is what grandparents and grandchildren feel so strongly when they have a beautiful, secure early relationship.  

KINDICARE: This book is a real treat for preschoolers, parents, grandparents, educators and anyone lucky enough to read it. And we thank you, Fiona, for sharing your experiences as a committed grandparent carer!