BY HEJIRA CONVERY, KINDICARE

JUNE 24, 2022

Being a mum is a big job, and going back to paid work after months, or years, as a full-time parent can be exciting, daunting, perplexing, or all of the above!  

You may be looking for new hours, a new role, or some of your old confidence, and no matter how you’re placed, Kirsty Levin is here to help. 

Kirsty is a career coach, psychologist and co-founder of The Parents Village, and she supports mums to identify their priorities and transition smoothly back to work.  

Kirsty offers personalised career coaching, but today, she’s kindly sharing her expertise with you and every mum in the KindiCare community.  

Whether you’re seeking a sustainable work-family balance, renewed confidence, or a total career change, her advice is gold, so feel free to read and learn before you earn! 

#1 – Finding a sustainable balance between work and family life 

Oprah famously said that, “You can have it all, just not all at once,” and this is definitely true of the work-family life balance.  

Kirsty says, “The reason so many parents struggle to find balance is because they are trying to juggle too many glass balls in the air, and eventually one drops and smashes.”  

“It’s just not sustainable long-term to juggle everything, unless you have super human energy and endurance. So, the key to balance and success is multi-faceted.”  

“It’s about planning, prioritising, practising, automating, negotiating, and adjusting expectations, as well as seeking support and outsourcing.” 

To find a truly sustainable balance, Kirsty recommends that you: 

- Focus on what you want – and need – to give your attention, time and energy to, then plan this out  

Consider your must-have requirements for work, home and/or family in the months before you return to work, prioritising the list in terms of essential versus desirable criteria.  

For example, you might realise that you need flexibility to work from home if your child is sick, or want the option of attending special events at their childcare service.  

- Avoid overwhelming yourself by doing, or expecting, everything at once 

Instead, be clear on why you’re making these choices for your career and life. And be clear on what you must maintain, and what you’re willing to adjust or let go of.  

For instance, financial sustainability and career progression might be must-haves, while cooking every night and cleaning every week may be flexible.  

- Develop new habits by becoming more organised and scheduled in your day 

In this modern life, technology is your friend and smart phone calendars are especially great for setting reminders and writing to-do lists.  

Kirsty says, “In our household, I send calendar invites to myself and my husband to remind us about birthdays, kids’ events, work commitments, and even the days to take out the bins, with allocations of who is doing what. Our motto is, ‘If it’s not in the calendar, it doesn’t exist!’”  

- Seek out support structures and change up your environment to make life easier 

Ask yourself questions like, “Can family or friends pitch in, or do I need to find a nanny?” “Should I arrange for a fortnightly cleaner, or get meals delivered occasionally?” “Will it help to automate my bill payments, so I’m not rifling through paperwork each month?” “Can I get rid of some of the ‘stuff’ in my life that causes clutter and stress?”  

- Allow others to help you if they offer it 

It can be tempting to say, “No” out of politeness, but it may be that your parents or parents-in-law are more than happy to provide regular, informal childcare. And if a trusted friend offers to watch your child while you’re at a 6pm meeting, maybe you can take them up on it.  

- Negotiate and establish clear boundaries between work and family life to protect work from family distractions, and family from work demands  

There are practical ways to do this, and Kirsty says, “You might set up an out of office message saying, ‘No work calls after 5pm,’ or make a rule that you do childcare pick-up at least two afternoons a week and start work earlier those mornings, so that you can be home for bath time and dinner.”   

- Accept that life is about ‘perfect imperfection’ and imbalance is sometimes unavoidable 

We can’t plan everything, all the time, and as a working mum you need to make peace with this!  

Kirsty says, “Unexpected illness or injury, work events, or deadlines can all throw out your plans. And in these moments, us parents have to go with the flow and let go of all the ‘shoulds’ and schedules.” 

All of the above tips will help you achieve a sustainable work-family life balance, and it’s also important to communicate your wishes, wants and any worries with your partner, employer and educators, as appropriate.  

#2 – Rebuilding your confidence when returning to paid work 

Many mums end up being out of the workforce for a long time, or a lot longer than they expected, especially if they’re raising multiple children. And although this time is precious, it can result in women feeling less confident, or less employable, when they want to return to paid work. 

Kirsty says it’s normal to feel anxious and nervous after being a stay-at-home mum for a significant time, and encourages you to be gentle on yourself and allow for a period of mental and physical adjustment. 

If you’re lacking confidence in your employability or talents, then Kirsty says it’s important to remember that, “Confidence comes from believing in yourself, your abilities and your knowledge.”   

- If you feel self-doubt seeping (or rushing) in, then try to manage your mindset and your beliefs around change, challenge and failure 

Kirsty says it’s helpful to shift from a ‘fixed’ to ‘growth’ mindset, and think of your return to work as an opportunity for learning and development. 

So, instead of saying, “I’m going to struggle to make an impact at work because I’ve been out of the game for so long,” you could say, “This is an opportunity for me to improve my presence and impact at work. I need to do some research, or meet with future colleagues, to get a better insight.”  

- If you feel completely out of touch with your workplace skills, then it helps to refresh your knowledge (and your resume) 

You can do this before you start applying for a new job, or go back to your old one, and it’s a great idea to refresh your industry knowledge by reading relevant media articles, newsletters and company updates, and getting to grips with new technology.  

Kirsty also encourages you to, “Pull out and update your resume, focusing on your skills, experience and achievements. Remember to include capabilities you’ve honed as a stay-at-home mum, such as interpersonal communication, planning, organising, problem-solving and so on.”  

She says, “Making these capabilities explicit on paper can help to formulate your ‘script’ for future career conversations and interviews, which in turn, increase your sense of job competence.”   

- If you’re going back to the same job or company, it helps to keep the lines of communication open while on parental leave 

Kirsty says, “Staying in touch with colleagues and managers during this time can help you feel like you are still a part of, and visible in, the workplace. It helps you maintain existing relationships and stay up-to-date with any new projects, structures, or people.” 

She explains that, “This builds social confidence, and also a sense of inclusion.”  

- Consider easing back into the workplace gradually  

If you’re feeling worried about re-starting work, then arranging a ‘staged return’ may help. For example, one day of work in Week One, two days in Week Two, and so on.  

Kirsty says another idea is to negotiate, “A flexible redesign of your job to allow for work-from-home days” because this can help to reduce some stress and anxiety.  

And remember, things will get easier!  

#3 – How to find a fulfilling, new role 

Becoming a mum gives you a whole new perspective, and if you don’t want to go back to your same old job, or are looking for a sparkly new career, Kirsty recommends that you: 

 - Reflect on your core values, motivators, interests and passions 

Ideally, you want your new role to tick a few of these boxes, and it’s also important to decide whether you want a career (which you’ll invest in emotionally), or a job (which keeps you busy and brings in cash, but doesn’t necessarily ‘consume’ you).  

- Then do some research and networking 

Unless you want to go in a totally new direction, Kirsty says it’s easiest to start with what (and who) you know.  

She recommends that you, “First explore your immediate circles of experience, influence and connection to uncover potential new opportunities.” 

You might ask your boss if there’s scope to redevelop your role, or move to another department. Alternatively, a friend or family member who knows your strengths and qualities might be able to point you in a great direction you hadn’t thought of.  

If you don’t find your calling this way, Kirsty suggests that you expand things a little and, “Research similar organisations, products, services and roles within your sector.” 

Consider where you could transfer your skills and experience – thinking laterally – and don’t be afraid to organise ‘coffee catch-ups’ with any businesses you’d like to know more about.  

You may get lucky applying for a job online or through a recruiter (certain employers see potential, even if a person doesn’t exactly fit the job description), but patience is often needed.  

For some people (or roles) it’s necessary to undertake study, or put in some unpaid work experience or volunteering to get a foot in the new door. 

And no matter what you’re looking for in your return to work, we hope you find the right balance and role. Best of luck, wherever life leads you!