Expert Ways to Settle Your Young Baby
Dr Valerie Sung shares expert ways to settle your young baby.
BY HEJIRA CONVERY, KINDICARE
Whether you’re a mum of one or dad of three, there’s always a learning curve when you bring home a new baby. Every infant has their own temperament, and some bubs are more sensitive to new life experiences than others.
Crying is how your baby communicates their feelings and needs, and although this kind of ‘baby talk’ is natural, it can be very worrying when your little poppet cries and cries.
Your unsettled baby may look like they’re in pain or deeply distressed, and no parent wants to see this, but there are things you can do to help your crying or ‘fussing’ baby, and Dr Valerie Sung is here to assist!
Dr Sung is a paediatrician at The Royal Children’s Hospital and Clinician Scientist Fellow at the Murdoch Children’s Research Institute. She runs the hospital’s Unsettled Babies Clinic and has years of experience working with unsettled babies and their frazzled parents.
Dr Valerie Sung. Source: Supplied
In short, Dr Sung’s an expert, and the advice she’s about to share is both comforting and practical.
The first thing to know is that your baby’s crying will get better
Dr Sung says, ‘All babies cry to a certain extent and lots of research has shown a ‘crying curve,’ where a baby’s crying peaks at about six to eight weeks, then drops away by around three to four months.’
Experts don’t exactly know why this happens, but the best guess is that crying lessens as babies’ brains mature, and they learn how to calm and soothe themselves.
Dr Sung says, ‘When a baby is born, just like everything else, they have to learn to regulate their emotions and feelings, and some babies are just more aware of everything around them, including all the things that are happening inside their body.’
Your baby will cry when they’re hungry, tired, too hot or too cold, and the natural act of sucking down some milk sets off a whole cascade of events in their body. The feel (and sound) of a feed moving through can unsettle your little baby, and it’s very common for them to cry out for help when they don’t understand what’s going on with their tummy growls, gas and other bodily explosions.
Your baby’s crying will change as they learn and grow, and respected American paediatrician, Dr Ronald Barr talks about the ‘PURPLE crying’ phase, which explains the kind of crying babies do between two weeks and three or four months of age.
In the ‘PURPLE’ acronym:
- P stands for ‘Peak of crying’, because young babies often cry more each week, until they reach a peak in month two, then cry less after that.
- U stands for ‘Unexpected,’ because your infant’s crying may come and go without you knowing why
- R stands for ‘Resists soothing’, and this covers those times when your baby won’t stop crying, no matter what you do
- P stands for ‘Pain-like face,’ where your baby may look like they’re in pain, even if they’re not
- L stands for ‘Long lasting,’ which means your little one might cry for five plus hours a day, and
- E stands for ‘Evening,’ because your little one may cry more in the late afternoon and evening.
The ‘PURPLE crying’ phase is intense for parent and baby, but it doesn’t last forever, and there are different settling strategies you can try in the tricky first three or four months of your child’s life.
1. Firstly, ensure your baby’s basic needs are covered
If your infant is crying and fussing, you need to exclude the obvious causes of discomfort. This could mean feeding them if they’re hungry, putting them down for a nap if they’re tired, or changing their clothing if they’re too hot or too cold.
Dr Sung says, ‘Not having enough breastmilk can be a cause of babies being unsettled,’ and although it’s rare for a medical reason to be behind your bub’s fussing, it is important to get their health checked if you’re worried.
She explains that in five to 10 per cent of crying babies, an allergy is to blame, but there are usually other physical symptoms, like feeding refusal, poor weight gain, vomiting, bloody or mucousy diarrhoea.
She says, ‘It’s unlikely there’s something really serious going on if your baby settles when you pick them up, or is calm for long stretches of time.’
If you are worried that a health problem is causing your bub’s crying, then Dr Sung says, ‘Your first point of call is probably a maternal child health nurse. Most parents and babies in Australia have access to one, and you can talk to them about unsettledness. If your nurse is particularly worried, you should then see a GP, and if that doesn’t help, seeing a paediatrician is advisable.’
2. Mimic your bub’s in-utero experience
Once you’ve dealt with their immediate needs, it’s important to remember that ‘life on the outside’ is a big shock to your little one. They’ve spent nine months feeling warm and cosy in Mummy’s belly, and they want more of the same!
For this reason, your baby may be comforted by things like sucking, swaddling (which gives them that nice, tight feeling) and shushing.
She says, ‘Holding your baby close and moving around often helps, too. In fact, a lot of parents say that the minute they stop moving, their baby starts crying, or the minute they’re about to put the baby down, they start crying.’
Moving around in a car can also soothe your crying baby and this explains why many of the drivers out at 3am have a baby on board, though that’s not recommended when you’re sleep deprived!
3. Respond quickly to your crying baby
Dr Sung says it’s also helpful to pick your baby up immediately when they’re crying. This is because, in the early months, they genuinely need your help, and a quick response can prevent an escalation of unsettledness.
She says, ‘For some babies, once you let them go to an extent where they can’t calm down, then it’s very difficult to manage. For others, they can be difficult to calm down no matter how quickly you respond.’
In any event, you can rest assured that it’s impossible to spoil a zero to three-month-old by giving them too much attention, too soon.
4. Do what you think is right for you and your baby
Although things like sucking, swaddling, shushing, moving and a rapid response can help to calm your crying baby, Dr Sung says, ‘Everybody is different and your baby may find some strategies work better than others.’
She recommends that you, ‘Go with what you think is right, because as a parent, you’re going to hear a lot of different advice from a lot of different people, where there is probably not much evidence anyway.’
In practice, she suggests that you, ‘Take a deep breath, try to stay calm, and focus on listening to you and the baby, in terms of doing something that’s right for you at the time.’
At the end of the day (or sleepless night), raising each baby is a different experience and you’ll learn what works along the way. Dr Sung says, ‘Time will help you find the right fit for your individual baby, and it’s important that you respond to what your baby responds to and find the strategy that works for them at that moment.’
5. Limit the number of things going on at once
While you’re working out the best way to settle your baby, it’s also important to take things one step at a time. Early life is a whole new experience for your infant, and it’s hard to settle them if they’re over-stimulated.
Dr Sung says, ‘Some babies get over-stimulated very easily, so when parents do 10 things at once, it’s often very confusing for the baby. What I recommend instead is that you say to yourself, “Ok, what might help? Let’s try that first.” And if the strategy hasn’t helped for a little while, then move on to something else. Maybe do two things at once, like swaddling and rocking, but not lots of things, as this can be too much for some babies to take in.’
6. Last, but definitely not least, enlist the help of others and look after yourself
Caring for an unsettled baby is tiring, physically, mentally and emotionally, and Dr Sung says, ‘it’s important that you continue with your own settling strategies, but get support from other people, too.’
It takes a village to raise a child and Dr Sung says, ‘It’s the same with a crying baby. You need to let family and friends come and help you by holding the baby for a little while, watching your bub while you catch up on some sleep, or helping with household tasks, like cooking, laundry and cleaning.’
You can also make things easier on yourself by doing shopping online and relaxing your expectations around things like how tidy the house should be, or how perfectly your day should run.
Life with a new baby is unsettled generally, so just do your best and give yourself some rest wherever possible. If you are feeling mentally exhausted, talk to your GP and consider getting professional help. And remember, this phase does not last for too long – it will pass!
To hear more from Dr Sung, tune in to her ‘Crying and unsettled babies’ podcast.