Having Another Baby?
Expert advice to help your under-five adjust to life with a new sibling.
BY HEJIRA CONVERY, KINDICARE
A new baby changes the family dynamic in a big way, and although this little bundle will bring joy to you and your partner, your other child might not feel too excited about the idea of a little brother or sister.
It’s totally natural for under-fives to feel a bit ‘blah’ about Mummy’s bump, or miffed by the crybaby who’s suddenly got everyone’s attention, but there’s lots you can do to prep your child for siblinghood and ease them into life with the new baby.
To help you do this, we’ve sought advice from Dr Emma Little, a child psychologist who teaches at the Australian Catholic University and helps to create content for the Raising Children Network.
Emma says it’s best to start talking about the baby, long before they pop into the world.
She explains that, “Welcoming a new sibling can bring mixed emotions for a child, and preparing them early can help to lay the groundwork for a positive relationship.”
You don’t need to get too serious about how babies are made, but you can help your child understand what’s happening by reading books about becoming a brother/sister, and showing them photos of when you were pregnant with them and when they were a baby.
Emma says, “If you know other families with babies, it might help to let your child spend time with them to see what babies are like.”
It’s also helpful to describe the kinds of things your newborn might do in the early days, so your child knows that they won’t be able to play with their little sibling from the get-go.
Look for ways to involve your child in practical preparations, too, whether you’re sorting teeny tiny clothes or getting the nursery ready, and don’t leave it too late to do a bedroom shuffle.
Emma says, “If your older child is still sleeping in a cot, it is a very good idea to move them into a ‘big kid’ bed way before your due date,” so they don’t feel like they’re being replaced when the new baby moves into their cot spot.
Once your baby does arrive, all this prep comes into play, but your older child will still react in their own way.
Emma explains that, “Some children are really excited about their new baby and want lots of cuddles with them and to be around them a lot. However, other common reactions can also be less positive.”
“Some children initially might show quite a bit of indifference, as they won’t necessarily fall immediately in love with the baby like parents do.”
“Younger children may struggle to understand that the baby is here to stay.”
“And sometimes there is a bit of regression towards baby behaviour. For example, a child might want to sleep in a cot again, wear nappies or drink from a bottle.”
It’s also possible that your older child will feel frustrated or angry about the new family dynamic, so Emma says it’s important to keep an eye on them (no matter how hard it is to keep that sleep-deprived eye open!) and help them work through their big emotions.
Emma says, “Rather than putting pressure on your child to be excited or happy, let them move through whatever emotion they’re feeling, and keep reassuring them that they are loved and just as important as always.”
As well as saying words, like “I love you,” actions can also help your older child to feel safe and secure.
It’s important to be consistent and caring (the goal of all good parents!), and Emma suggests that you:
- Try to keep your child’s post-baby routines as similar as possible to their pre-baby ones, so they don’t feel like their entire life has been turned upside down.
- Prioritise some one-on-one time with your older child to show them how loved and important they continue to be.
You might do this when the baby is asleep or in the arms of someone like Dad or Nanna; and Emma says, “Doing things your child enjoys will help them know that they are still a priority.”
- Be aware that they might feel ignored if lots of people are coming around to "Ooo" and "Ahhh" over the new baby.
To get around this, you might like to schedule some of these visits for when your older child is at childcare; and if they’re at home, you could give them the responsibility of introducing their little sibling to visitors, so they feel like an important part of the meet and greet.
Baby-related responsibilities can be great for some children’s self-esteem, but do be careful not to overload an unwilling participant!
Emma says, “Some children love the idea of helping with feeding and ‘looking after’ the baby, while others don’t want to do any of this.”
“Both responses are okay and it is important that your child doesn’t get forced to do things, or help a lot, as this can build resentment towards the new baby.”
Remember, too, that your child’s educators are on hand to help.
Early childhood educators have a lot of experience with expanding families and they know your little learner well, so they can be a great support when you’re adjusting to life with a newborn.
Emma says, “As well as offering a consistent routine for your older child, an educator might talk with them about what is happening at home and how they feel about the new baby.”
They can read books about families and babies to normalise the new dynamic, and ask your child, “Now who’s this?” when you first bring in the baby.
Educators are also very well placed to notice emotional and behavioural changes in your child after the new baby arrives.
Emma says, “They can keep an eye on your child to make sure they aren’t regressing with their behaviour or showing significant adjustment issues, such as increased aggressive behaviour, high distress, eating less or refusing to do previously achieved behaviour (such as using the toilet).”
If they do notice a negative change, a great educator will talk things through with you and suggest positive action.
And in time, your older child will understand that Mummy and Daddy’s love didn’t divide when the new baby came along.
It multiplied!
We thank Emma for her expert advice, and if you have a newborn, our articles about fourth trimester nutrition and unsettled babies may be of interest too >>>
