BY HEJIRA CONVERY, KINDICARE

MAY 28, 2022

Great parenting is a learnt art.  

You start with the best intentions – to give your bundle of joy a wonderful life – then gain experience, as you get to know your child and grow into the role of Mum or Dad. 

Tantrums, transitions and other challenges make things ‘interesting’ along the way, and no matter what happens, a ‘positive parenting’ approach can help you raise your child calmly, consistently and caringly.  

The government-approved Triple P – Positive Parenting Program is available around the nation, and free in some states, and it’s your go-to for positive parenting strategies.  

Instead of telling you how to raise your child, this program is all about boosting your parenting skills and confidence.  

You get to choose what’s most important and which strategies to try, and whether you have a tempestuous toddler or screen-addled middle-grader, Triple P’s techniques work wonders.  

Today, we’re giving you a taste of what positive parenting involves, thanks to Triple P’s Country Lead, Carol Markie-Dadds.  

How does positive parenting work? 

Ms Markie Dadds explains that, “Triple P’s positive parenting approach is all about creating a strong relationship with your child, encouraging their emotional resilience and coping skills, and calmly managing stressful situations.” 

There’s a focus on conscious parenting – being aware of the impact you have on your child and their environment – and the Triple P approach is underpinned by five key parenting principles. 

These principles click together, like LEGO, to build a happy, calm family life, and every positive parenting strategy you learn helps them happen.  

The principles are evidence-based and easy to apply (hooray!), and involve the following: 

1. Creating a safe, interesting environment 

The positive parenting approach recognises that your little kid is curious. They’re keen to explore, investigate and test every environment, and although this is terrific for their developing brain, it’s your job to make their space safe.  

This means keeping knives, chemicals and other nasties out of sight (and height), and teaching your child lessons about things like road safety, water safety and stranger awareness when the time is right.   

Ms Markie-Dadds says, “Doing a safety audit and creating a safe environment not only protects your child from harm, but also has great benefits for you. Once you’ve done all you can to remove or prevent potential dangers, you’ll have peace of mind. You won’t spend half the day running after your child calling out, ‘Don’t touch!’ or ‘Watch out!’.” 

Remember, too, that ‘safe’ isn’t the same as ‘dull.’  

Your child’s non-hazardous environment should be stimulating, so make sure you offer different activities to keep them amused at every age and stage.  

2. Building a positive learning environment 

You are your child’s first teacher, and this means every interaction you have with them is a chance to help your little one learn and build lifelong skills.  

A simple Q&A session is a positive way to do this.  

Ms Markie-Dadds says, “When your child wants to ask a question or needs some attention, that says they’re ready to learn, so give them your attention for just a minute or so. Usually that’s enough to satisfy them and give them a sense of security. It lets your child know that you’re there for them when they need you. They know they’re important and loved.” 

“Also, grab any opportunity to ask your child questions about what they’re doing, help them learn to solve problems on their own, and encourage their interests. As your child grows, give them more responsibility and opportunities to learn new skills.”  

3. Using assertive discipline 

‘Assertive discipline’ sounds technical, but basically, it means ‘good discipline’ – which is what happens when you stay calm and consistent, and give your child clear instructions when there’s a problem.  

Ms Markie-Dadds explains that, “Children do best when they live in a home in which they are loved and nurtured, and where they know and understand simple, clear rules, routines and boundaries.”  

“When you respond consistently and calmly to unwanted behaviour, you’ll see less of it. And when you praise the behaviour you like, you’re bound to see more of it!” 

To ensure everyone’s clear about expectations and discipline, all you need to do is:  

• Talk about a few rules and boundaries with your child 
• Decide what will happen if the rules are broken, and  
• Make sure the consequences are fair and age-appropriate. 

For example, you might agree that your preschooler will not be able to play with their fave teddy for 10 minutes if they refuse to share toys with their sibling.   

4. Having realistic expectations 

Instead of trying to be the perfect parent, just do your best.  

“Acknowledge that you are human – and humans make mistakes – and allow yourself to feel ok about the ups and downs of raising kids.” 

Also, be realistic about what your child, at their age, can be expected to do.  

Little people take time to learn skills, and there’s nothing positive about pressuring a child to clean their room or tie their laces before they’re able.  

5. Taking care of yourself as a parent 

It’s hard to be a positive parent if you’re stressed, super tired or generally strung out, so the last Triple P principle is all about self-care.  

Ms Markie-Dadds encourages you to, “Set aside time to do something you enjoy, and know that this isn’t a luxury. Instead, it’s an important re-set that allows you to return to the fold, feeling a little refreshed and ready for busy family life.” 

You might get a pedi, do pilates, or sleep in past eight, and don’t forget to ask for help if you need it. 

Depending on your situation, family, friends or professional kidsitters can share the parenting load (or just a couple of pick-ups), and Ms Markie-Dadds says, “Positive parenting isn’t about being available every minute of every day. It’s about balance!” 

Do what feels right for your family, and if you’re looking for more ways to parent positively, you might want to do a Triple P online program or workshop.   

This article also helps you put a positive spin on common parenting challenges, like toddler tantrums and teary transitions to childcare and school.