Is Your Child Shy?
6 ways to help your little one come out of their shell at childcare.
BY HEJIRA CONVERY, KINDICARE
Starting childcare is a big deal for little people, and although some under-fives strut into the early learning environment without a backwards glance, separation anxiety is very common, and even the most confident child can feel a bit wobbly when their parent waves goodbye and they’re left with everything new.
If your little one is a ‘cling to Mummy or Daddy and shrink into my shell’ kind of person, then childcare can be especially daunting, and although things often get easier over time, your under-five might need extra help to manage their shyness and enjoy the early learning experience.
Your wonderful educators can assist, and as a parent, there are some simple, but effective, ways to coax your child out of their shell and help them shine.
Thanks to the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, here are six ways to do just this!
1. Get prepared.
A little forward-planning makes every family excursion better (hello snacks and wet wipes!), and when your little one is off to childcare, preparation is equally important.
Triple P says planning makes the transition to early learning easier for a child who is shy, and well before your under-five’s first day, you can help them feel more confident by organising playdates with children who are going to the centre and visiting the place in person.
When your child’s first days roll around, it’s also helpful to remove as much stress as possible by organising their bag and clothes the night before, involving them in simple preparation (such as packing their lunchbox), and leaving plenty of time to get out one door and into the next.
2. Once you arrive, model the behaviour you want to see.
Your child learns how to respond to different situations by watching you and copying what you do.
So, instead of meeting new educators meekly and entering the foyer inch-by-inch, it’s helpful to put your smiliest face forward and respond to all the new stuff with as much confidence as you can muster!
Triple P International Country Director, Carol Markie-Dadds says, “By trying to be optimistic in new situations, saying a friendly ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ to people, asking questions and being curious about the people around you, you can be a fantastic social skills teacher without even realising it.”
3. Stay calm and upbeat.
It can be heart-wrenching to see your little one struggling socially, and although it's natural to feel upset, worried or disappointed if they shrink into a corner as you leave, or come home with a sad face, the best thing you can do, is try to stay calm and positive.
Triple P encourages you to create a sense of optimism around all the good things that will happen in their day.
And although it’s very tempting to protect your child from any fears they might have, try to trust them to get there in their own time, with a little guidance and assurance from you.
For instance, you might encourage your child to go to one educator, instead of several different people each time. Or do a small, fun activity together when you drop them off, to ease their transition from home to care.
4. Think about the emotions behind your child’s shyness.
The bulk of your child’s brain development (like, 90% of it!) will happen in their first five years, and Triple P says you support their emotional learning by asking your child how they feel and why they might be feeling that way.
You also show an understanding of their feelings by listening closely and naming the emotion they may be experiencing.
For example, if your little one is drawing back from all the unfamiliar faces at childcare, you might say, "I can see that you’re feeling a bit shy about meeting all these new people. That’s okay, let’s look for someone to play with together."
5. Give it time.
Triple P tells us that shyness is normal; it can be brought on by specific situations (like being dropped into a room full of unfamiliar kids!); and it rarely goes away completely.
However, if you give your child plenty of time, they can grow more confident and comfortable interacting with others in new situations.
And there’s no need to worry if your child takes longer to ‘warm up’ than other children.
Carol says, “Your child will develop at their own pace. So, notice the small wins, like making one new friend or joining in a group activity, and with each small win, you’ll see their confidence grow.”
6. Have fun with role-playing.
No matter how shy or outgoing your child is, role-playing is a fun and low-key way to rehearse social skills and behaviours together.
With the help of a favourite teddy or doll, you might like to play a game where you practise introducing yourself, asking questions, talking about shared interests and playing together.
Triple P encourages you to keep things light and enjoyable, while modelling the behaviour you’d like your child to practise; and whatever you do, remember that shyness is usually overcome in stages.
It takes time, support, practise and patience to coax a cautious child out of their shell, and although some people are natural born social butterflies, most of us get shy now and again. Even parents!
You can always ask your educators for help…
And if you are lacking confidence in your child-raising, or just want to learn more about positive parenting, then triplep-parenting.net.au is a great go-to.
This KindiCare article will also help you navigate some common parenting problems, including everyone’s favourite – the tantrum!
